Wednesday, November 11th, 2009
Dear Dr. Simon,
I had a small argument with a loved one. It was nothing so serious ― in fact, it was rather unimportant ― but I stayed angry for two days and didn’t speak to him. On the third day, he went out to buy some groceries, had a stroke, and passed away one week later. He did not suffer from any major illnesses, and his blood pressure was only a little high, and he exercised regularly. I am feeling very, very guilty, and believe that his death was my fault.
Please help me. Bibi
Dear Bibi,
I can understand why you would feel dreadfully upset about this sequence of events, but know that the argument by itself was not responsible for his death. You need to take time to grieve and heal. In your meditations have a silent conversation with this person, expressing your sorrow and asking for forgiveness.
Assuming that this relationship was usually loving, it would be hard to imagine he would want you to continue feeling guilty. Perform some ritual of release and forgiveness, making a commitment to honor his memory in a way that reflects your love and the contributions he made to your life. If there is continuity of the soul, he has already forgiven you.
We never know the moment when our life or the life of a loved one will end. Remembering that our time on earth is fleetingly short compels us to live with greater awareness and gratitude.
With love,
David